The Honeymoon Stage

Our third anniversary is this week! Yay us! I seriously cannot believe that three years have passed so quickly. Ok, I know everyone says that… but I am allowed to as well. It was such a beautiful wedding! A total whirlwind of a day. My family was going through a terrible trial during my wedding, which made the day tremendously difficult. The emotional strain of planning a wedding plus teaching plus this family trial was exhausting, and I slept for the next two days. Yes, the first two days of my honeymoon.  But my sweet, new husband understood, and the trial made our marriage stronger.

Now three full years have passed - the honeymoon stage. You know those early years where people tell you that everything goes perfectly. And everything is sweet and wonderful, but it's really not?

The honeymoon stage - that time where you get used to sharing your space, your time, your life, your everything? Where you are suddenly responsible for someone else's life. For someone else's laundry and food and overall happiness.

Actually it's not all that easy. How to master the first years:

1.  Remember that he is getting used to you too. 

I didn't understand why my husband had to have Ragu sauce with his spaghetti and he didn't understand why I had to have a certain brand of toilet paper. (He seriously thought it was no biggie if the toilet paper crumbled in your hand as you pull it off the roll. Umm… ewww!)

We had to learn how to make concessions for each other together. I had to just understand that even though pasta sauce was a little thing to me, it was a really big deal to my husband. Like he wouldn't eat my spaghetti if I wasn't serving it with Ragu sauce. But I love him. If he wants that sauce, I will get it for him. And he loves me, so he doesn't mind if I waste a little money.

Sure, that is just a little example. But we replicated this idea over and over and over. Ultimately, we had to remind ourselves every once in a while, that we were still getting used to each other.

2.  Have a private place where you can talk about anything. 

This is our favorite piece of advice to newlyweds. Find some place where you will always be alone and can talk through an disagreement or through a struggle. Your back patio, your kitchen table, an outdoor swing or park bench, your car. Just somewhere you can go during the good times and tough times. Always hold hands or maintain physical contact, even if you are just sitting close to each other. Sometimes when my husband and I just want to get some distraction free time together, we go to this place.

Also this place is a "talk about anything" location. If there are seriously problematic things that you need to discuss, establish early on that this is a safe place where you will mutually listen to each other, and agree to come to a working conclusion together in this location.

3.  Make things special. 

You know those amazingly romantic date nights you had before you got married? Well, you probably understand that you should continue those date nights into marriage. But… then life happens, schedules get in the way, and like many newlyweds (especially in ministry), you are broke. So make the little things special.

New recipe you want to try on him? Call it a date night at home!
Boring Friday night in after a long, busy week? Make a special dessert.
Running the usual weekend errands? Call it an adventure, and stop somewhere new along the way.
Someone said a nice word about your husband? Lavish the praise on him when you get home.
Surprise him with something that he might really need, but didn't want to put the money into. Maybe wrap up with special wrapping paper.
Leave him notes in unexpected locations. (on his pillow, dashboard, keyboard, work email, wallet)
If you usually drive separately, make a big deal when he drives you somewhere.

Make a big deal out of the day to day things. Keeping it special, keeps the spark alive.

4.  Heap on the praise.

Your husband is a special dude. Don't forget and don't let him forget! All of times our guys get bogged down with the frustrations of the ministry, their jobs, and struggles of adjusting to marriage (like being responsible for the finances of the marriage). He is going to need reminded about just how amazing he is. So go for it - heap on the praise! Sneak it any and every time you can.


~ No marriage is perfect, but I have to say mine is pretty close. We have worked on these four things together all three years of marriage. There has been frustration, but we have never had an actual argument. We have hard times, but we have always worked through them together. And remember, above all honor God.