Disappointment

I don't even know where to start.

The last two/three years have been loaded with disappointment... crushed dreams... unmet expectations.

It's been a rough road.

And the worst part is - just when I think God is opening a door and I get a peak at what's ahead, the door completely slams in my face. I simply don't understand.

Let me give you an example. My husband and I are surrendered to be in full-time ministry. Since we were both thirteen years old, we have both believed that is what God wants for our lives. He has guided us in that direction. But our first youth ministry simply didn't work out. God clearly led us there, but He also clearly led us away. The work ethic, the dedication to ministry, and the Biblical doctrine seemed to be on a different page. But that was ok, because God was going to lead and guide us through.

So we moved and settled into being very much not-needed youth workers. That was really, really tough. I fought tears almost every single Sunday for six months. But I was co-teacher/assistant teacher to a sweet friend who got pregnant early in the youth group year (we follow the school schedule of September to May), so I had lots of opportunities to teach class.

Now we are preparing for this year and as much as I hoped that I would be wanted as a Sunday school teacher, I didn't have any expectation that I would be a teacher. It's not like teaching is a passion of mine or anything... but I know, I am very much not-needed. So I could handle it. Until I got this email saying something to the effect of "If you get the next email about the SS schedule, you are teaching this year."

And I got the email!! I will be honest. I was super-excited! I really hadn't been expected it. I had come to terms with not teaching again. Then I got to look through the awesome new curriculum and started making plans for things that I hadn't even thought of for over a year.

Then we went to the annual planning meeting and I found out that it was all lies. The email I received about "If you get the next email, you are teaching this year" was mis-worded. It was meant to be translated more along of the lines of "Yay! You are on youth staff." I don't know how what was said was supposed to translate to that, but whatever...

Can I just tell you that I suffered through a two and a half hour meeting and didn't shed a tear until I made it to the car? I felt that took a lot of strength!

Disappointment. I am no stranger to it.

So here is the question of the day... How do you deal with it?

Step #1: Cry it out. Cry until you cannot cry. Take it from me - strength is not a virtue. Being real with your emotions and not forcing them down into a hole in your heart is a necessary part of dealing with disappointment. Once you are done crying, do something or go somewhere or look at something that  makes you smile.

For me, that post-cry happiness is a trip to Charming Charlie or Home Goods, a quick shower and a nap, or a scroll through my "Pretty" board on Pinterest (loaded with bright flowers, beautiful scenes, and feminine things).

Once you calm down... relax... move your focus off of the disappointment... then you are ready to move on to Step #2.

Step #2: Remember that God is in control of absolutely everything. I don't say that to sound cliche. I mean it. God is in control of everything. He designed the universe and spoke it into existence. He named and knows the name of the stars. He cares about the disappointments and the trials, the joys and the happiness of my life, just like he cares about a sparrow that falls out a tree and a stunning lily in the middle of an isolated field. (I take that to mean, He has a great capacity for love and is concerned for the smallest, seemingly unimportant details.) If He cares for the tiniest details, He really cares for the things that cause my heart to ache and turn me into a soggy mess.

Step #3: Remember the big picture. You and I do not know the future. We cannot actually see the big picture - as hard as we try. It is 100% possible. In fact, 100% fact that God is at work and this huge disappointment, whatever it may be, is God doing something great that we absolutely cannot see right now.

Example: I graduated from college four years ago and desperately wanted a full-time teaching job right out of college. What I got was a job teaching two classes and helping in the administration. There have been a ton of disappointments with that, but also a lot of joys. I built a really strong relationship with my direct supervisor and even though she has since moved far away, she is a great mentor, a spiritual encourager, and a close friend. Also I had a chance to work through some of the difficulties that first year teachers experience rapidly in the first weeks of school and have to cope with quickly. I on the other had a chance to sit back and digest and fix those problems. Now that I have my own full-time classroom, I have already worked through most of those first year teacher mistakes. Yes, I am still making mistakes and have lots of room to grow, but God knew that I was going to need to really kill it right out of the gate this year and He gave me that chance to practice over the last three years. Also I was able to build a relationship with the students and the staff that few others can say they experience, and I was able to get my choice of classes. That was God working through major disappointment in my life four years ago. Let me say that again... It took FOUR YEARS for me to see the bigger picture.

Every step of the way, God knew.

God knows. Disappointment - it's a nasty thing, but don't let it get you down for too long!


PS (#1) - Like I said, I am no stranger to disappointment. So if you are thinking my examples are nothing compared to what you are going through, please know that these are just the examples I felt comfortable sharing with the world. You pick an area of possible disappointment and I think it is safe to say, been there, done that, still struggling through that one.

PS (#2) - Remember that dealing with disappointment today, doesn't mean that you won't have to deal with it tomorrow. It's surrender. And surrender is a daily commitment to God. Remember... Everyday surrender.