Mother's Day is great! I wish we as a group of people would celebrate and honor our mothers more than one day a year. They work so hard and give so much.
Before I go further, I am in no way downing Mother's Day. I don't want to do away with Mother's Day. I am not trying to steal the limelight from Mother's Day. I am not suggesting we downplay Mother's Day. None of that.
It's just that Mother's Day is very personal.
On Mother's Day, I love seeing all of the kids dressed up and hugging mom. The endless pictures. The flowers. The gifts, the recognition. Families huddled around their dear mother. A young husband lovingly holding his newly pregnant wife. New mothers snuggling with their precious newborn baby. The almost telling smile of a lady with a secret. It's precious.
For Mother's Day my church recognizes every type of mother. If you are a birth mother, adopted mother, foster mother, pregnant mother, grandmother, former mother, or the mother of a child who never lived, you get lumped in as a mother. You have the joyous privilege of recognition and love and admiration. Special blessings are heaped on you on Mother's Day. And that is all right. It is all good. It is all necessary.
But again, it's just that Mother's Day is very personal.
What I don't love about Mother's Day is seeing the lady in the corner, happily watching, but struggling to hold back the tears. What I don't love is missing friends at church because the pain is too hard to bear. What I don't love is knowing that while we honor mothers for the privilege of baring children, we effectively drudge up the pain of a woman who for one reason or another does not have children.
For a woman, the pain of not having children is tragic. I know that not everyone understands that. Some people don't understand that adoption is unattainable. Infertility treatments are unaffordable. The world's best husband might not be interested. Or some physical something prevents any children from coming and all hope is gone. Many women might have come to peace with the reality that they will never hold their own little one in their arms. Others might be angry, or numb, or relieved. But you can't tell me that when Mother's Day rolls around, they don't mourn. Mourn for the children they will never have.
We are not mothers. We don't claim to be. But we are still women. Women who work hard every day. Women who care for someone or something. We don't really want recognized, especially not with the mothers. We don't want called out in church like the mothers. We just don't want forgotten. Acknowledge our pain, that's all we ask.
Maybe next year at church you could help us out. Quietly, privately acknowledge that we are wonderful women too.
This whole experience of Mother's Day inspired an idea. Have a "Wonderful Woman Day." Right around Mother's Day, simply acknowledge the lady with the private pain.
Maybe leave a bright, happy potted daisy in her hands as she leaves church - just because, or up the challenge - drop it off where she works... "just because."
Send a "thinking of you" card.
Host a private dinner or fellowship right before Mother's Day that is specifically for the childless women of your church. Something bright, light, and fun. Something where they don't have to think about what they don't have but can celebrate all of the good that God has done for them. Maybe one of the greatest benefits of this unannounced event is that you have now connected several hurting women who can reach out to each other, grieve together, connect together, and grow. Sometimes this very private struggle seems to born alone. Simply having someone to share the pain with helps heal.
All I ask is that come Mother's Day next year, you prayerfully consider quietly acknowledging all of these special and wonderful women.
No comments:
Post a Comment